Kristen Stewart Is A Muggle

I must admit, I have never read the Harry Potter series (nor do I intend to). I am, familiar with the series, and am without a doubt Slytherin in nature. That said, however, the recent hype over J.K. Rowling’s Quidditch World Cup articles has lead to some funny (and somewhat sad) articles around the internet. Remember, I never read the books (or watched the movies), so it is a sad day indeed when I know more about the Wizarding World than an avowed fan. Take, for example, EW’s “150 Random Celebrities, Painstakingly Sorted into Hogwarts Houses“, which a friend kindly shared with me and some others. The conversation was almost exactly why you would expect. Several Slytherins began discussing how incorrect the list was and wondering how DARE the author besmirch our house with the likes of Robin Thicke (cunning? seriously?), Kris Jenner (you have GOT to be kidding), and Kristen Stewart (who is obviously a muggle). Of course the conversation ground to a halt when a Gryffindor popped in to voice her opinion and was immediately met with sideways glances and the end of the conversation.

Still, if this was the result of some fan’s painstaking efforts, the end result is a bit sad. Or a lot sad. There really are no attributes that unite the various personalities listed, beside the fact that, in the case of most of the Slytherin personalities, nobody likes them. This is as bad a reason to sort someone into a house as any. It is almost as if someone decides which fraternity or sorority you are let into based simply on how popular you are (or if you played a villainous character, a la Idina Mendzel). Is this what fandoms have sunk to? Being randomly sorted by popularity? Will we soon see an article entitled “230 Hollywood Celebrities Painstakingly Sorted Into Districts”? Or has some faux fan beaten me to it already? It might be amusing if they have.

The Nerd and The Geek have become the new “in” thing (and like any hipster, I was that before it was cool). Everyone wants to be a part of some geeky crowd, and everyone wants to claim to have extensive knowledge on every possible sub group, whether it be comics, BBC shows, fantasy books, or gaming. This, then, gives birth to a new generation of “faux fans” who try to out dabble each other. Sometimes it is amusing, sometimes it is frustrating, but it makes it hard to find true devotees to hang with–especially when a not-fan knows more than the faux-fans.

I could start an Asian accessories store with all of these fans.

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