Five couples got married this weekend. FIVE. One on Thursday, one on Friday, one Saturday morning, and two Saturday night.
I was not invited to any of the weddings, which I was ok with (for the same reason that I’m ok with not being invited to most mixers or parties.). What I did mind was this message that I received Wednesday:
do you have an extra room in your house or do you know of anyone from church that has an extra room?? I need somewhere to stay before my wedding…Thursday and Friday night and then my Maid of Honor and her 2 year old need a place to stay too from Thursday until she leaves Monday
I’m sorry, but I’m not even invited to your wedding. And you want me to host you, someone I don’t know, and her kid in my non-kid proofed house that has three cats in it?
Unfortunately, this is not the most frustrating part of this weekend.
The most frustrating part was when I messaged her back and explained that, due to re-doing some closets, my house is a mess (because everything that belongs in the closets is now out of them). That said, if she still needed a place, I could work something out.
To sum up, this is essentially me:
Afterwards, I felt like smacking my face into the keyboard. I say Yes. All. The. Freaking. Time. If someone asks me for notes, I give them the notes. Someone asks me to give them a ride, I give them a ride. If someone asks me to do some shopping for them, I will (that happened this weekend, too, right after I helped get the right shoes for the aforementioned bride’s bridesmaids. You know, the bridesmaids at the wedding that I was not invited to). It doesn’t seem to matter what I’m saying yes to–if you ask me to do something, I will do it, even if it is to my own detriment.
That last part, I suppose, is the key. There are definite benefits to being selfless, but I’m beginning to understand that there is also great value in being selfish enough to be selective in your selflessness. If you aren’t, people will notice and start taking advantage. You simply can’t please everybody. I want to make everything go smoothly for everyone, well, most everyone, and I’ll perform acrobatics to make that happen. I don’t know why. Perhaps it is some desperate grasp at proving that I have intrinsic value, or perhaps it is something that my culture has trained into me. Regardless, I am beginning to see that it is important that I learn to pick and choose why and for whom I perform such acts.
Fortunately, the bride messaged me back and said that they had found another place (thank God), and they didn’t need my place (and by extension, me). No acrobatics this weekend. Just me staring at my self in the mirror and getting used to saying a funny word– “No”.